The Excused

It was brought to my attention by a friend of mine, Schuyler, a.k.a. Skizzle Fresh, that people are meant to have lists of celebrities that they are allowed to have sex with if the opportunity presents itself, with no consequence within the bounds of a relationship they may be in. These lists of "excused" hook-ups are...well, I'll just let him tell you about it. Here's the second guest post written by Fresh, and the third guest post ever.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Let's preface this post that I'm all for monogamy and I want everyone who is willing to take the necessary steps to find happiness to be able to do so.

But let's be real, a lot of folks don't get into real relationships until they're well out of college or in there late-20s because they like being single and the opportunities it affords. Going out, meeting lots of people, hooking up with some maybe, and living without the pressure of someone to be accountable to.

This, my friends, is why I created The Excused List. At any given time, there are 10 people I am without question allowed to get with while I'm in a relationship. This list may be updated with 24 hours notice before it takes effect, so as to allow my significant other veto power if desired. Currently, my list reads:

• Minka Kelly 
• Rachel Bilson 
• Natalie Portman 
• Scarlett Johansson 
• Mary Elizabeth Winstead 
• Keira Knightley 
• Grace Park 
• Jessica Alba 
• Isla Fischer 
• Mila Kunis 

At this point, you're probably saying "Alright, there's no chance in Hell you're shacking up with ANY of those women." First off, don't hate on my dreams. Secondly, that's perfectly fine! Here's why:

1) It alleviates any issues when I'm watching a movie or reading a magazine and one of these lovely ladies comes up, because I can openly comment and it's already out there that, if the opportunity arises, I'm sleeping with them. No jealousy from my significant other, and no guilt or hiding from me. Open communication is the key to any successful relationship.

2) By having a list, I also invite my significant other to create one. This allows for sharing, teasing, and the positive communication. It also allows, however, to get a more clear picture of the type of person (or at least the type-casting of that actor/actress) that my ladyfriend is attracted to. Relationships built on asymmetric information rarely end well, and this allows for being blindsided far less by problems later. If her list is all soft, cuddly guys, when she complains that I'm not later, I already saw that coming.

3) For single men especially, when your good friend gets into a serious relationship or gets ready to be married, you know there's always that one guy in the group that's like "This is a mistake, being locked down SUCKS." The list keeps hope alive. It keeps you from getting in a rut in the relationship because you can still say "I love my girlfriend/wife, but there's still something more I can obtain." Dreams are the fuel of life, so have some and avoid the midlife crisis "what are we doing here?!?" moment.

However, there are addenda to the list. There's a short list of "Honorable Mentions" that, if I hooked up with, would try to lawyer my way out of with my significant other. These aren't free passes, so she's fully allowed to get pissed and leave me. (Currently, these are Cobie Smulders, Piper Perabo, and Natalie Coughlin, in case you cared). Another is The Las Vegas Exemption. When in Las Vegas, I'm allowed an excused list of types of women: hot party-pool lifeguard, hot bartender, hostess, etc. The list has to be comprised of 10 types that would make for EPIC (and I mean of the utmost awesomeness) stories, and that's why you couldn't pass the opportunity up.

I heard a radio story a while back that there are couples that, to keep their relationship fresh, do a sort of hybrid-swinging, and allow one cheat pass a year. I'm not advocating that, and I'm not even saying you should be actively pursuing utilizing your Excused List or it's addenda. Hell, I'm not even saying put people close to you on the list (your professor? Probably not smart...). I bet you, though, that living in a relationship or trying to create one with a feeling of abundance will help you navigate the choppy waters of love better.

Oh, and if you're meeting someone new at a bar/club/party and struggling for a conversation topic, ask them what their list would be.  Good results will come of it...
____________________________________________________________________________________

Question: In that vein, what would your list be?

Personally, I don't have a list since I honestly haven't considered it enough. But I'm sure there are plenty of people who have thought of it but have just never compiled it. It's an interesting concept, and something that falls in line with the upcoming Owen Wilson movie Hall Pass (which I'm skeptical about). Either way, it's another list, and we all know how I feel about lists.

Dream on.

[END TRANSMISSION]
____________________________________________________________________________________